


And I Will Always Remember (The Way We Fit Together)

by lavenderlotion



Series: Lav Re-watches the MCU [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Steve Rogers, Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Hickies, M/M, Making Out, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, Rimming, Slow Dancing, Steve Rogers has a small dick, Top Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-02-29 02:01:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18768898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderlotion/pseuds/lavenderlotion
Summary: “I ain't no dame, Buck,” Steve snaps, but he doesn’t step out of Bucky’s arms.“Don’t be like that, Stevie,” Bucky breathes against his neck, his lips grazing the skin and Steve shudders. He always does, when Bucky touches him like this. “I don’t wanna be fightin’ with my best guy right now.”“M’not your best guy,” Steve grumbles, though he knows it’s weak. “If I’m your best guy, it’d make you my best man, y’know.”





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote the first two chapters of this after writing The Winter Solider, and then FINALLY finished it a few months ago! Next chapter will be posted in a week!
> 
> (This entire story is about Steve Rogers' small dick)
> 
> Unbeta'd

Steve is...worried isn’t the right word, because he’s not at that point yet. It’s not uncommon for Bucky to be getting in late. Sometimes, work at the Dock runs till dark, and Bucky always stays so the men with children can get home on time. Steve doesn’t mind, really, he just wishes there was a way for Bucky to let him know, so he wouldn’t worry.

Not that he needs to worry about Bucky, or that there is any reason  _ for _ him to worry about Bucky. Nope. Because Buck is his best pal, and that is all they’re gonna be. It doesn’t matter what Steve’s heart wants. They...it isn’t done, not that. It doesn’t matter what they’ve done with their bodies, Steve knows that a—a  _ relationship _ , ain’t gonna happen.

It doesn’t mean Steve doesn’t worry, no matter how much he tells himself to stop. He’s keeping the stew on the stove, stirrin’ it around the pot slowly to keep it warm. Steve hadn’t had anywhere else to go after his Ma passed, and Bucky had a spare room he gave to Steve—not that it gets much use, though. Making dinner and doing the chores wasn’t a condition for Steve moving in, but if he was gonna sit at home like Bucky’s wife while he worked for both of ‘em, he was gonna do what he could.

Steve lets out a relieved sigh when keys jingle in the door, and he listens to Bucky let himself into their apartment. He doesn’t even try to lift the pot of their dinner off the stove, not when it’s so full. He’ll have Bucky do it later, after they’ve eaten and talked some. Steve might even work on a few sketches he has going while Bucky reads.

“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky says, coming up behind Steve and pressing in close, winding his arms around Steve’s small waist. Bucky presses a kiss to the top of Steve’s head, and he can hear Bucky breathe in deeply.

“I ain't no dame, Buck,” Steve snaps, but he doesn’t step out of Bucky’s arms. This isn’t something Bucky’s done before, and Steve doesn’t know how to react.

“Don’t be like that, Stevie,” Bucky breathes against his neck, his lips grazing the skin and Steve shudders. He always does, when Bucky touches him like this. “I don’t wanna be fightin’ with my best guy right now.”

“M’not your best guy,” Steve grumbles, though he knows it’s weak. This is everything he’s ever wanted, and he can’t even pretend to be upset. He takes a deep breath, mostly to build courage. “If I’m your best guy, it’d make you my best man, y’know.”

“Of course I know that, Stevie,” Bucky says, his voice dropping lower as he brings his hips flush to Steve’s ass.  _ God _ , it feels better than it should, such a simple touch.

“Is that what’s got you all sour?” Bucky asks, easily hooking his chin over Steve’s shoulder as he slips his hands under the hem of Steve’s t-shirt to splay out over his bare belly. “I know we ain’t never talked about it, but I thought you knew I was all yours, Stevie.”

Steve turns in Bucky’s arms, then, and he can’t keep the shock from showing on his face. Bucky gives him a lopsided smile, his  _ flirting _ smile, and Steve rolls his eyes, even though his heart feels fit to burst. The words themselves are enough to make Steve’s whole world feel brighter, and the way Bucky has begun to sway them back and forth makes Steve’s chest warm.

“All mine, huh? And how’d lil’ ole me land such a stud like you?” Steve asks, and even though his face must be red with his blush, he presses a long kiss to Bucky’s chin, his stubble catching on Steve’s lip.

“You never had to land me, Stevie. You’ve always had me.” 

“Gah, you’re such a charmer, Buck,” Steve jokes even as his cheeks get warmer, and he presses closer when Bucky grabs his ass, his smile turning filthy.

“I thought you knew,” Bucky tells him with a shrug. “I don’t wake up with just anyone.” 

“Oh, ‘course. Silly me, should’a known all along,” Steve says, and he lets Bucky dance them around the kitchen. He rests his head on Bucky’s shoulder, wrapping his own arms around his neck to tangle in the hair along Bucky’s nape. Steve settles into the comforting rocking, letting Bucky lead.

Steve’s never danced with no one, not with the gal’s at parties and certainly never with Bucky. There’s no tune, but that doesn’t matter to either of them. He likes it. He likes how close Bucky is holding him. His head fits neatly under Buck’s chin, and Steve closes his eyes, his chest feeling warm and his heart feeling full.

“Why don’t you go wait for me in our bed?” Bucky asks after a few more minutes of them swaying around. Steve doesn’t miss the use of the “our”. It makes him smile, and he gives Bucky a slow kiss, licking into his mouth and sucking on his tongue until Buck groans real low. 

“Don’t keep me waiting long,” Steve teases, practically running off to what has been their bedroom since he first moved in.

It had taken him a while to get over the insecurities he had regarding his body. He knew he was nothing special, hell, was the complete opposite of what the dames wanted but...Bucky had never looked at him with anything other than heat in his eyes. It was heady, for Steve, to know someone as handsome as Bucky was attracted to him. 

Steve wastes no time in stripping down, and he lays himself out on their— _ their _ —bed as he waits. He’s already hard, his cock standing against his belly. He doesn’t touch it—he’s always been sensitive, and if he gets himself going now, he won’t last a minute once Bucky joins him. So, he closes his eyes as he waits, and he can’t quite stop his lips from shaping up into a smile at the memory of Bucky’s words.

Bucky’s voice startles him from his thoughts when he says, “So pretty for me, Stevie.” His voice is dropped low, more of a growl than anything else, and Steve whines in response. 

He’s always been loud when they’re together like this, and tonight he’s even louder than usual. It feels like he can let go in a way he never has before, because now Bucky is  _ his _ , and Steve is Bucky’s, and he doesn’t have to hide how much he wants this. He makes grabby hands, and the laugh Bucky lets out is pure joy. 

Steve watches, eyes hungry, as Bucky strips down, revealing long lines of muscled skin. Steve’s always been attracted to Bucky, to his crooked grin and his bright eyes. It’s no different now. Now, he gets to see  _ all _ of Bucky, have all of Bucky, apparently, and it makes Steve’s dick leak as Bucky climbs onto the bed.

“C’mere,” Steve whines, knowing Bucky likes the noises he makes. 

Bucky only takes one of his outstretched hands, though Steve can’t complain when the other trails up his thigh. Bucky rubs along the crease of his hip before he starts to play with Steve’s balls and god,  _ god _ , Buck’s hands have always felt so good. Steve’s own are smooth, as small as the rest of his body is, but Bucky’s are big and rough. The texture of them has always felt so good against Steve’s skin, against his dick, and the roughened texture is the main reason Steve never lasts very long.

Finally,  _ finally _ , Bucky leans down for a kiss, coming to a stop with his entire body blanketing Steve’s. Steve spreads his legs wider so Bucky can settle between them easier, and Bucky keeps himself supported where his elbows are rested on the bed beside Steve’s ribs, careful to never press down with his full weight. Steve leans into the kiss, sucking Bucky’s bottom lip into his mouth like he  _ knows _ Bucky likes. He palms Bucky’s arms, making an appreciative noise as he squeezes the flexed muscle. 

Bucky is so _big_ and he is so, so strong. He is so many things that Steve is not and will never be, but the contrast is part of what he likes so much. Bucky is grinding into the crease of his hip when Steve manages to get his legs wrapped around Bucky’s waist, twisting his ankles together at the small of Bucky’s back. He uses the leverage to grind upwards, the sensitive head of his cock scratching against the rough hair of Bucky’s crotch.

Unlike Steve, Bucky is hairy  _ everywhere _ , and he loves it. Loves to run his hands over the soft hair along Bucky’s thighs, cuddle into the thick patch on Bucky’s chest. Steve isn’t very hairy, all pale, smooth skin and bones. But Bucky likes it,  _ likes him _ , in ways Steve hadn’t thought possible. 

It makes it all better, and Steve has to stop the kiss because he’s panting so hard, though Bucky doesn’t really pull back, only shifts so he can press their foreheads together. This is Steve’s favourite thing to do, just rubbing together, their bodies pressed so, so close, like if they tried hard enough they could become one.

Steve scratches his nails down Bucky’s back, digging deep enough to leave marks. Bucky curses, his back arching and Steve grins. He had no idea if Bucky was going to like it, but the thought of leaving marks was enough to have him try, anyway. 

“So good, Stevie,” Bucky moans, and he leans down to attack Steve’s collarbone. They’ve never done this before, but Bucky’s teeth feel so good biting into his skin. It gets even better when Bucky  _ sucks _ , and Steve makes an embarrassing noise even as his balls get tighter.

“Buck,” Steve moans out loudly when Bucky wraps a hand around both their cocks.

“Look at us, Stevie,” Bucky says into his ear, his lips brushing over the sensitive skin and it pulls a moan from them both.

Steve looks down, of course he does, and nearly loses it all right there. Bucky has them both in his hand, and while Steve had felt it, seeing it is so much better. Bucky moves his head down to continue sucking at Steve’s neck, somehow managing to keep a steady rhythm as he strokes them together. Steve’s brain feels like mush, heat licking up his spine and settling low in his belly.

“Look how small ya are, Stevie.” There’s a rough edge to Bucky’s voice, and it makes Steve whine again. He’s right, though, and just the sight of their cocks pressed together is one Steve will never get tired of.

Steve is small all over, another reason he ain’t ever tried with dames, but Bucky loves it. He’s never made Steve feel ashamed about his lack of size, not like the lads used to do in school. The first time they had been together like this, naked, Steve had been so worried. They were so young, just figuring out their bodies, but Steve already knew he didn’t look like he should.

But Bucky had loved it, had nearly tripped over his own feet in his haste to get closer, to get a better look. Steve hadn’t even had to touch him before Bucky was spilling, come messily shooting between them. Steve had followed, of course, and he hasn’t felt shy since.

“So much bigger than ya,” Bucky groans, speeding up his hand, and that’s it, all it takes for Steve to come, spilling between them as he cries out. He drags his hands down Bucky’s back, digging his fingers into his skin and holds on for all his worth as the world seems to explode out of his dick.

Bucky uses the wetness to slick his own cock, and his hand goes even faster. Steve’s mind has left his body, but he has enough sense left to catch Bucky’s earlobe between his teeth and tease it, just to help Bucky along a little. It works as Steve planned, and Bucky follows him over the edge, covering Steve’s belly in his spunk. 

He doesn’t flop down onto Steve, never does, and instead falls to the side. They’re still all pressed together, both of them panting through the bliss. Steve feels his face slip back into a smile, happy and satisfied. He feels good, loose and pleased, and he hums with contentment.

“C’mere,” Bucky says through a mumble, and he pulls Steve onto his body, rolling onto his back so Steve has no choice but to follow and starfish over Bucky’s chest.

“Buck,” he complains, since their mess is gonna dry between them and they’ll have to peel themselves apart in the morning. Still, it’s only half hearted, and he doesn't protest further when Bucky’s arms tighten around him.

“Go t’sleep, darlin’,” Bucky tells him, his voice hardly more than a whisper—Bucky always falls right into sleep after he comes—and tonight Steve is thankful for that. He doesn’t need Bucky to see his blush, or the smile that threatens to split his face open at the endearment. Bucky’s never called him nothin’ like darling before.

He presses his smile into Bucky’s chest, and he doesn’t fight sleep when it pulls him down.


	2. During

Steve does his best to keep his hands to himself after they leave the German base. It’s...hard, after all the time they’ve spent apart. So much has happened, has changed, but Bucky is alive,  _ alive _ , and that’s all the matters. He lets Bucky lean on him, practically carrying him all the way back to camp. His heart is still beating too fast in his chest, adrenaline from his first real mission still racing through his veins.

It’s impossible to calm down, and Steve’s not sure he wants to. He keeps running his hand up and down Bucky’s torso, as though if Steve stops touching him, he’ll fade away. It doesn’t seem to matter that they’re pressed together along their entire sides, Bucky’s own arm thrown over Steve’s shoulder—and  _ holy crap _ , Steve’s taller than Bucky now—it just doesn’t seem like enough.

Truthfully, it all feels a little like a dream. Having Bucky back—not only back but practically in his arms—is all Steve has wanted since Bucky was first shipped out. All Steve has been able to think about in the months of touring across America and  _ ‘performing’ _ , has been Bucky. 

And now he’s back, and Steve feels like he can  _ breathe _ .

The walk back to camp is long and tiring, but it’s a much-needed rest for his mind. With Bucky so close he feels calm in a way he hasn’t since the serum had first changed his body. Since then, time has either moved at a standstill or rushed past him. It feels like he’s hardly had time to process all that’s happened since he was first recruited. It’s welcome, the calmness and the relief that has washed through the crowd of the soldiers as they walk. 

Their return to camp is quite dramatic. The cheering is expected, and the  _ joy _ that floods through the entire compound is something Steve can  _ taste _ . He accepts the praise, though it leaves embarrassment warming his face and neck. Bucky smiles at him, big, bright eyes shining with happiness, as he begins to chant “Captain America”.

Steve smiles right back, helpless. 

When someone suggests going into town, Steve doesn’t waste a second before showing his support for the idea. Celebrating is what they all need after saving so many of their own. All he can think about is getting Bucky to himself, being able to check him over and make sure he’s okay. He wants a moment to themselves, so he can make sure, really make sure, that Bucky is  _ here _ .

And, maybe, he wants to be alone for a few other reasons. 

It’s been so long since they’ve been together, and so much has happened. It’s surreal that they’re together again. For a horrifying moment, Steve is stuck wondering if Bucky will even want him, want them. Because he’s  _ bigger _ than Bucky now—well, at least in height and width. He’s stronger and faster and physically, he’s better. Mostly. That’s a whole other line of thinking that Steve doesn’t want to go down right now.

Steve has no idea if Bucky will like this new version of him. If he’ll want Steve in the same ways he’s wanted him for their whole lives. It’d be one thing if Bucky told him he ain’t attracted to him no more, but Steve wasn’t sure what he’d do if Bucky told him he didn’t want to continue their...whatever they are, either.

But Bucky presses in tight to his side and brings their bodies as close together as he can, paying no mind to the crowd of people around them. Bucky drops his arms from Steve’s shoulders and drags his palm down Steve’s back, ghosting over the swell of his ass and giving it a light pat before stepping away.

It’s all the reassurance that Steve needs to know they’re okay, and he doesn’t waste any time dragging him away. He doesn’t even bother stopping at the bar with everyone else. He can’t get drunk, and he wants Bucky to be sober for their night together.  _ It’s been so long _ . Bucky doesn’t seem to mind, and none of the other men say anything when they veer off alone.

Steve gets a single room, one bed—and maybe it’s because they’re all still wearing their gear, no one having changed into their more formal suits—but the gal at the counter doesn’t question it, just sends them along with a warm smile and a pretty little salute.

The room is small, and there is nothing fancy about it. It doesn't matter to either of them, not when they’re finally together again. Steve looks his fill, sure that Bucky is doing the same, and he tries to pick out every change that he can see. Bucky doesn’t look much different, other than the darkness under his eyes and the hollowness to his face. His eyes are still the same pale grey they’ve always been, and his smile is just as crooked as the one Steve first fell for.

He loses himself in looking. He’s never had a chance to  _ miss _ Bucky before, not when they grew up together and then lived together. It’s been so strange not having Bucky in his orbit every day, and the distance has weighed on him more than he wants to admit. Being in Bucky’s space feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest, and he breathes as deeply as he can.

He continues to watch him, brain far away, as Bucky stalks forward. Steve doesn’t move, too caught up in his thoughts, but he kisses back when Bucky claims his mouth. It’s hungry, desperate, and Bucky pulls them closer together as he licks into Steve’s mouth. Steve can’t do anything but let him, his heart feeling fit to burst as he tries to calm the racing beat.

Steve whines, the same noise he’s always made before, and he clings to Bucky’s biceps. It’s distracting that he has to remind himself to keep his strength in check, but the last thing he ever wants to do is hurt Bucky. It takes him a while before he gets the hang of it, and soon enough he’s able to kiss Bucky back without having to worry about crushing him.

“Hey, handsome,” Bucky breathes against his lips, once the kiss has slowed down into something painfully soft and incredibly sweet.

“Not callin’ me darlin’ no more?” Steve teases, though he thinks it falls flat. Bucky’s never called him handsome before, and it feels unfamiliar to him.

“You don’ look like my darlin’ anymore, Stevie,” Bucky tells him, running his hands up Steve’s arms and squeezing at his biceps.

“I’ve  _ missed  _ you,” Steve says, and he nearly lets out a whine of disappointment when he can no longer tuck himself under Bucky’s chin. They’re nearly the same height, Steve only a hair taller and it’s different, everything is different. He just wants to be close, to have Bucky pull him into his arms like he’s been doing for years.

Except when Bucky’s wraps him up into a hug, pulls him in tight and presses their bodies together, it feels just as good as before. Bucky’s hands dig into the small of Steve’s back just like they always have, and being wrapped up in Bucky, in the feel of him and the scent of him and the sound of him, makes Steve feel just as safe as it always has.

Even if it's not the same, will never be the same, having Bucky pressed up against him feels good,  _ so good _ , and he has to bite into his lip until he tastes blood to keep himself from crying like some dame. Steve returns the hug, clinging a little desperately and fisting his hands into the material of Bucky's shirt.

Heat rushes through his body as their hug lingers. While everything is different, so much of it is the same. Steve hasn’t felt right in his own skin till this very moment, and it’s only because of Bucky’s touch that he finally settles. Heat rushes through his body, arousal slowly climbing his back as Bucky runs his hand up and down Steve’s back in wide, sweeping strokes. 

“What’s this?” Bucky asks, even as he presses their hips tighter together. Steve blushes, embarrassment already hot on his face because he knows what Bucky is asking about. 

“I—I don’t, I’m not sure, it just...it didn’t,” Steve stutters, all the confidence he felt earlier gone. He doesn’t know how Bucky will react. He’s been great so far, but Steve doesn’t know what he’ll do or how he’ll feel and that...scares him. Makes him feel too fragile, something he hasn’t felt once in his new body.

“Shh, shh Stevie,” Bucky soothes, the hands that were just cupping his ass moving to rub small circles into Steve’s back. It’s nice, and he drops his head onto Bucky’s shoulder, curling forward in a useless attempt to make himself feel smaller.

“I’m sorry ’bout what I said, sugar,” Bucky says, mouthing at Steve’s neck and making him shiver. “You’re still my darlin’. My lil’ darlin’, aren’t ya?”

“Y-yeah, Buck,” Steve breathes, relief sharp in his chest at Bucky’s acceptance. Bucky grinds forward, and it’s impossible not to feel the hard, warm line of his cock, even through the thick material of his pants.

He stares when Bucky steps back to take his own shirt off. He can’t seem to look away, not after being apart for so long. It feels surreal, to be here, together, with everything that has changed. Being with Bucky is just as easy as it’s always been, and Steve feels like he can  _ breathe _ . He lifts his hands to touch at what skin he can, fits his fingers to Bucky’s ribs and holds on.

It’s overwhelming, and Steve has to take a second to focus on his breathing, before realizing that he’s not in any danger. His asthma won’t act up if he gets too excited. They don’t have to worry about his lungs or his heart rate, and Steve can feel how his grin stretches into something dirty.

Steve doesn’t protest when Bucky starts undoing his pants—he’s not even sure he  _ could _ protest with how quickly all his blood has rushed down to his cock, leaving him to feel a little light-headed. Steve hasn’t gotten off since the last time he saw Bucky. Too much was going on for him to have the alone time he wanted, to be able to get hard and get off. He hadn’t really wanted to, anyway. He hadn’t gotten off alone since he and Bucky started fooling around together years ago.

Steve blinks back to the present when he feels his pants and underwear get pushed down to his thighs. The air is cool against his heated skin, but Bucky’s hands warm him immediately.

“You fit in my hand just like you always did,” Bucky breathes, a type of awed-reverence to his voice as he closes his hand around Steve’s cock. 

Being in Bucky’s hand still feels familiar, despite everything that’s happened, and Steve lets his mouth drop open so he can taste the salty skin of Bucky’s shoulder. Steve lets out another embarrassing noise and Bucky draws him closer, brings his other arm around Steve to palm at his ass. 

It’s dry and Bucky’s grip is this side of too tight, but Steve doesn’t ask him to stop. Instead, he watches as his cock fits perfectly into Bucky’s hand, not even the head poking through the ring of his fingers. He moans, probably, panting harshly. Heat is building in his gut, the pressure growing stronger and stronger, and he can’t do anything to hold it back.

Steve paws at Bucky’s pants as he tries to get the buttons undone through the haze his brain has fallen into. He’s so sensitive, after so long without being touched with any sort of intent, and he can’t help but thrust into Bucky’s grip. He can already tell he isn’t going to last long, not today. Bucky’s other hand is slipping between his ass and rubbing against his most intimate spot, sending waves of pleasure up his spine. 

“O- _ Oh my god, Buck _ ,” Steve moans. Bucky twists his wrist in a way that has Steve coming between them, his spend dribbling over Bucky’s fingers and making a mess of his hand and their stomachs. Bucky doesn’t pull his hand away, and Steve whines as he tries to back out of his grip, his cock becoming too sensitive.

Steve takes a deep breath to settle himself, and he fights to keep his eyes open. He has a plan forming in his mind, and before he can talk himself out of it, he drops to his knees. He ignores the shock of pain and instead looks up at Bucky with wide eyes.

“Stevie,” Bucky’s voice is thick, and he cards his clean hand gently through Steve’s hair.

Steve smiles, or tries to, and starts with something familiar. He pulls Bucky’s hand towards his face and starts by sucking two of his fingers into his mouth. This is something they’ve done before, often, and tasting the mix of his own release and Bucky’s skin is something he  _ knows _ . It’s familiar, and he lets his eyes fall shut, letting himself get lost in the act. 

He sucks and licks, teasing the sensitive skin between Bucky’s fingers as he works at cleaning him up. Steve breathes through his nose, once again looking up to find Bucky staring down at him with dark, dark eyes. The hand in his hair gives a little tug, not enough to hurt but enough to remind him it’s there, and Steve smiles around the fingers in his mouth.

Working until Bucky’s hand is clean, he reaches up to finish undoing Bucky’s pants. The outline of his cock is hard, straining against the fabric in a way that must be uncomfortable. Bucky lets out a sharp hiss of air through his teeth when Steve pulls the fabric down, finally getting rid of the pressure he must have felt this whole time.

He pulls off of Bucky’s fingers with a loud ‘pop’, a little proud of himself for the noise. Bucky laughs at the expression he must be making, though Steve doesn’t care. He falls forward, resting his forehead against Bucky’s hip as he breathes the other man in. Steve’s never done this before. 

Bucky hadn’t ever let him, always too scared that his asthma would act up and something would go wrong. Steve never wanted to worry him, so he didn’t push it, contenting himself to sucking on Bucky’s fingers after they both got off.

However, Bucky has done this to Steve before. Not often—again Bucky had been worried about Steve’s health—but enough that Steve has an idea of what he needs to do. It doesn’t make him any less nervous, and he takes his time trying to calm his racing heart.

Eventually, he leans back, sitting on his heels. His hands shake a little when he pulls Bucky’s underwear down, though he ignores the tremors. His body is vibrating with a heady mix of nerves and excitement, and all he knows is how bad he wants to taste Bucky, how badly he wants to feel the weight of Bucky on his tongue and have the smell of him in his nose. 

Bucky’s cock stands heavy right in front of Steve’s face, nestled in a dark bundle of curly hair and almost laying against Bucky’s stomach. Steve isn’t sure if he’s ever seen Bucky so hard before, and he doesn't fight the smug smile that pulls at his lips. He leans forward, pushing his nose into the patch of hair above his cock and breathing in the smell of Bucky’s musk.

God, he must not have showered in days, must be  _ filthy _ , but Steve can’t even bring himself to care. The smell is thick, heady, and is just another bit of proof that Bucky is alive, that he is really here with him. He darts his tongue out, finally touching Bucky’s cock, and he thrusts his hips forward hard enough the Steve rocks backward.

“S-sorry,” Bucky says, hands patting at Steve’s hair. “Sorry, baby. You feel s’good.”

“S’okay,” Steve tells him, and he means it. He likes knowing how good he makes Bucky feel, how much Bucky wants him.

It also gives him the confidence to lean forward and take the head of Bucky’s cock into his mouth. He lets it rest in his mouth as he hums, considering the taste. It tastes a bit like skin, a little saltier, a sharper tang to it. Steve doesn’t mind it, and he darts out his tongue. He pushes his muscle against the slit of Bucky’s cock, and he feels how silky smooth the skin in against his tongue, and the hands in Steve’s hair tighten, twisting around the shaggier strands.

He lets himself get used to the taste, the heaviness on his tongue, before he does anything else. His mouth feels stretched wide already, but he likes it. Steve keeps swirling his tongue and hollowing his cheeks. He uses a hand to stroke what he can’t reach, though he purposely keeps his grip soft. Finally, he sinks forward, stretching his lips wider as he takes more of Bucky in.

“Keep your teeth in,” Bucky tells him, settling his other hand over Steve’s neck. “Perfect, darlin’, good job.”

The praise makes something in Steve light up. He loves that he’s doing well, that he’s making Bucky feel good. It sends heat through his body, lazily arousal settling in his bones. 

Steve takes his time and makes sure to use his hands. He’s producing so much saliva that he can’t seem to swallow it all down, but it just makes the glide of his hands that much smoother, so he doesn't mind when it drips down his chin. He has to pull back every little bit to breathe—he can’t figure out to breathe through his nose as he moves his head—but Bucky is still pulling his hair, so Steve doesn’t think he minds.

He tries his best, hollowing his cheeks as much as he can while keeping his teeth away. Bucky is so big in his mouth and so heavy on his tongue, and he feels so good. It’s all so much, and Steve moans, unable to stop himself when Bucky’s hips twitch forward. He’s glad that he has a hand wrapped around the base of Bucky’s cock, otherwise he would have been choked.

The thought doesn’t turn him off, and he promises himself he’ll bring it up later before he looks back up at Bucky. He’s gorgeous, his bottom lip stuck between his teeth as he pants for air through his nose. His eyes are dark, all pupil, and he’s staring down at Steve like he’s the only thing in the world.

It’s a heady feeling, made better by how all-encompassing it feels to be down here on his knees, Bucky’s taste in his mouth and Bucky’s smell in his nose and Bucky’s body towering over him.

“S’good for me,” Bucky breathes, and Steve preens. “You feel  _ so  _ good, darlin’. Lips so pretty wrapped ‘round my cock. Gorgeous on your knees.”

Steve nods, or tries to, and he redoubles his efforts, wanting to make Bucky come like Buck already did for him. He uses both of his hands and tries to push his tongue out as well, making sure to hollow his cheeks. He toys with the slit every time he pulls back, sucking on the head. Bucky curses something awful, and his hands tighten in Steve’s hair until it’s painful. 

It’s all the warning Steve gets before Bucky is spilling down his throat, warm and bitter as Steve tries his best to swallow it all down.

Once Bucky is done he pulls back, his cock sliding from Steve’s lips and dragging a glob of come with it. He’s heaving in breaths of air as he stares down at Steve, his face flushed red. Steve smiles back up at him, a bubble of pride rising in his chest. Bucky’s hands have moved to Steve’s shoulders from when he curled forward when he came, using Steve to keep him standing.

“Ho’as it?” Steve asks, his voice a hoarse rasp. He smiles to himself about it, and Bucky chuckles.

“C’mere,” Bucky says, already reaching down to lift Steve up. He goes, slumping into the kiss when Bucky licks into his mouth.

It doesn’t last long, and when Steve pulls back Bucky’s eyelids are already starting to droop. He laughs, his heart happier than it’s been in months, and he pulls Bucky to the bed. It’s a queen, much bigger than the one they had at home, and Steve stretches out when he lies back. Normally, Bucky doesn’t lay on him at all, even when they’re cuddling. He’s always so cautious, so worried about Steve’s fragility, that he hasn’t laid over Steve since they were boys.

Now, he flops right onto him, pushing all of Steve’s breath right outta his chest. He doesn't protest though, and he wraps his arms around Bucky’s shoulders. They’re both still filthy, but it doesn’t matter right now. He smiles down when Bucky noses into his chest, always having craved contact after he comes.

“G’night darlin,” Bucky says, pressing a kiss to Steve’s chest before dropping into sleep.

Steve presses a long kiss to Bucky’s hair, ignores the reality of what tomorrow will bring, and closes his own eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last chapter, After, will be up next week :D I hope you like this one <3


	3. After

Steve is tired. Steve is...yeah, he’s tired. He’s tired of looking, searching, only to find nothing. He’s tired of leads coming up short, of feeling the horrible rush of disappointment again and again and again. He is tired of getting nowhere, of feeling like he’ll never get anywhere.

Of feeling like it’s pointless, like it’s all for nothing. 

He doesn’t want to give up. Knowing that Bucky is alive is more than he can put into words. It feels, a little, like the first breath he took after he stepped out of the pod. He breathed in, as deeply as he could, filling his lungs with air more freely than he’d ever been able to before, and there wasn’t a single ounce of the familiar burn, the rattling inside his chest that he had long ago gotten used to. 

It had felt like freedom, and this, knowing that Bucky is alive, feels much the same. He can breathe again, without the heavy weight that had long ago settled over his heart. There is no more grief weighing him down, no longer an emptiness in his chest where Bucky had lived for so long, ever since he fell from that train. 

He can’t give up,  _ won’t  _ give up, but damn, is he ever tired. Each time something doesn’t pan out, the disappointment is a little harder to swallow down, the hurt he always feels just a little sharper in his chest. It’s a losing battle, and he thinks he knows that, even if he won’t admit it. For Bucky, there isn’t much that Steve wouldn’t do. 

Sinking into the worn couch he’s sitting on, he feels the strain of the last few weeks. He never thought that he’d feel this sore again, but he’s gotten used to the luxury of living with Stark in his ridiculous tower. The couch he’s sitting on now is hardly more than springs, and it digs into the small of his back uncomfortably. S.H.I.E.L.D has been accommodating so far as they’ve provided him with a list of safe houses that he has used during his travels. 

The knock on the door is unexpected. His hackles rise, the same uneasy feeling creeping up onto the back of his neck that has saved his life countless times before. He’s inclined to listen to it, but something else, a nagging in the pit of his stomach, is telling him to check. Steve has never had his instincts so misaligned, and he wonders if it’s the exhaustion or if he’s losing his edge. 

In the end, he raises himself to his feet with a great sigh, feeling all the ninety-odd-years he’s been around for. It’s only a handful of steps to the front door, and there’s a small screen that shows a figure decked in black, a hood shadowing its face. Steve’s heart rate spikes at the familiar breadth of the man’s shoulders, and he opens the door before he can think any better, his breath getting caught up in his chest as his heart  _ seizes _ , his entire body freezing as his brain grinds to a halt.

“Buck—” Steve says breathlessly, his eyes burning with a familiar sting of tears. It all feels like too much, and he can’t breathe. It feels like he’s been waiting an entire lifetime to have Bucky back, and now that he is, that he’s standing in front of Steve, raising his head so dark hair falls in front of his eyes, everything is coming to a stop. It’s  _ Bucky _ , and Steve’s knees buckle, and he nearly falls. The only thing that keeps him up are Bucky's hands on his waist, tugging him in, where Steve falls willingly.

Hugging Bucky feels like coming home, like everything that has been wrong for so long is finally made right. Steve finds himself in the circle of Bucky’s arms. Everything that he has done has led him to this moment, and ask he wraps shaking arms around Bucky’s waist to hug him back, it feels like the pieces that make up his entire life are all falling together. 

He feels whole, wrapped in Bucky’s arms.

Steve only realizes that he’s crying when Bucky’s arms tighten impossibly around him, holding him tight enough that it feels as though he’s trying to merge them together. There is not a single inch of space between them, pressed together from knees to shoulders, and Steve’s body is shaking, trembling, and he’s unable to stop it. Bucky holds him tighter and all it does is pull a whine from his throat.

“Buck,” he gasps, pulling back so that he can get a good look at his face. He’s dirty, his hair greasy and hanging in front of his eyes. There is dirt smudged over his face, a streak of what looks like oil running down his nose. His clothes are worse, when Steve pulls back to look at him, even dirtier than Steve has gotten. 

Both of them need washing up. Bucky needs new clothes. Steve has no idea what to say, no idea how to break the silence that is stretching between them. Now that Bucky is here, he feels like he’s lost. There is too much for Steve to make sense of, and he focuses on the familiar stormy grey of Bucky’s eyes and lets himself get lost in his swirling irises.  

When Bucky kisses him, it feels like everything falls into place. He knows this, knows the shape of Bucky’s lips and the taste of his mouth, and he knows how to pull a groan from Bucky’s chest. He bites into his bottom lip and pulls him even closer, and even though it’s not close enough, he does his best to press them so tightly together that it feels like they could become one. 

It’s easy to kiss Bucky and Steve lets himself forget everything but the way Bucky feels under his hands and against his body and licking into his mouth. Too much has happened for him to make sense of it all but this is easy and so, so familiar that it  _ aches _ . Bucky’s hands skip up his sides and slip under the t-shirt he’s wearing to get at bare skin. Steve shivers at the way Bucky’s  _ metal arm _ feels against him, the contrast in temperature making him squirm.

He wants to know how that arm feels  _ everywhere _ . 

Pulling back breathless, he rests their foreheads together as he tries to calm down. He watches Bucky’s face, eyes half-lidded and crossing as he stares into Bucky’s eyes. He looks just as wrecked as Steve feels, and he wraps his arms in a loose circle around Bucky’s waist as he shifts to rest his face in the crook of Bucky’s neck, giving himself to the count of sixty before he pulls back.

“Do you—would you like to take a shower?” Steve asks, and he does his best to keep his face neutral as he watches surprises filter across Bucky’s. 

It’s a long moment before he answers, but Steve waits patiently, still holding him in a hug even when Bucky’s arms drop from Steve’s waist. He’ll always wait for Bucky. “No one’s asked me what I want in a long time,” Bucky tells him, completely casual, as though the words don’t sink into Steve’s heart and tear it apart, as though they don’t fill him with blinding, painful rage. His hands shake as he raises them to Bucky’s face, and he uses his thumb to wipe away a smudge of dirt on his cheek. 

When he goes to speak, his voice is rough as it claws its way out of his throat. “Buck,” his voice cracks, as broken as he feels, and he can’t do anything but pull Bucky close and wrap his arms around his shoulders. 

Bucky stays silent, but he does hug Steve back. Steve would be worried about how little Bucky is talking, but he’s being physically responsive enough that there’s no fear bubbling up his stomach. He has Bucky, in his arms, and nothing else matters. “Let’s get cleaned up, okay?” Steve asks into his ear, moving back when Bucky nods.

It’s only a few steps to the small bathroom. The entire safe house is small, but Steve doesn’t mind. He likes knowing there isn't far Bucky can go. Steve peels out of his clothing, a dirtied t-shirt and a dirtier pair of cargo pants. He hasn’t showered in two days—not much has been on his mind other than finding Bucky. Now that Bucky is  _ here _ , he feels the dirt stuck to his skin and the grease that is weighing down his hair, if only because he sees the same on Bucky. 

Bucky doesn’t move at first, but Steve decides not to bring attention to it. He has no idea what Bucky is feeling or thinking—hell, he hardly knows how  _ he _ is thinking or feeling. When he turns the water pressure on, it leaves much to be desired, but it feels exactly like it did in their tiny Brooklyn apartment. The water doesn’t hit any higher than his chest, but it is warm, and it feels good against his skin.

Steve stands there, patiently waiting. The water temperature doesn’t cool though the pressure does fluctuate. Honestly, it’s better than the shower in their old apartment. The curtain is loud when Bucky pulls it back, the only other noise in the room the running water. Bucky is warmer than the water when he steps up behind him and Steve leans against him, humming happily when Bucky holds up his weight, his hands settling low on Steve’s hips.

Neither of them says anything for a while. There is only the running water and their harsh breathing. Steve can hardly believe that this moment is real, that Bucky is really standing behind him in a dingy safe room shower. It feels so surreal, like a dream he’s had to wake himself up from too many times in the past. He doesn’t know what to do with the knowledge that it might not be, that this is really happening. 

Eventually, they shuffle around so Bucky can get under the water. He’s even dirtier than Steve, and he watches as the water runs dark for long minutes. He lets his hands linger on Bucky’s hips before he slides them inwards, fingers digging into the grooves of muscle that had never been so pronounced before. Bucky’s back is a wide expanse of dirtied skin and Steve gets lost staring at the way the muscles shift. 

He lets his forehead rest against the back of Bucky’s neck. The skin of his left shoulder is an angry red, made up of raised scars that look like they hurt. The way the metal arm connects looks  _ painful _ , and Steve’s drags his lips over the skin in a facsimile of a kiss. He makes Bucky turn around so the dirt can rinse off his back, and his breath catches in his throat.

Bucky’s hair is hanging in his forehead, but the dirt caking his face is gone. He’s gorgeous, still the most beautiful thing that Steve has ever seen, and his heart rate kicks up when their eyes meet. They look even brighter now that the rest of his face is clean, and Steve gets lost staring. His eyes track down, and the same mess of painful looking scared skin spreads out over his chest. 

A noise claws its way from Steve’s throat, something like a whine, and his hands flutter in the air uselessly. He wants to reach out but he doesn’t know if it would be welcome, and the last thing he wants to do is upset Bucky after everything that he has been through. Thankfully Bucky reaches out before Steve can, his fingers skipping up Steve’s torso and making him shiver.

“Buck,” he says quietly, shuffling closer despite the sliver of space that is between them. It still feels like too much. He grabs hold of Bucky’s forearms, feeling like he’s going to fly away. 

“You’re real small,” Bucky says. His pronunciation is still off, not the same Brooklyn drawl that Steve is used to. The words bite, force Steve’s cheeks to heat up, and he drops his eyes to hide the grimace that crosses his face. It figures, that he would get Bucky back only for the man to no longer want him. 

“You—” Steve looks up at the tone in Bucky’s voice, worn out and exhausted and  _ broken _ , “—used to be...small. All over.” Steve nods, a dangerous hope rising inside his chest. “You were sick.” His words are a statement, sure in himself in a way that Steve hasn’t heard from him yet. “But you got better. You...you got better,  _ bigger _ , but you were always small, here.”

Bucky’s hand wraps around his cock, already hard just from breathing in Bucky’s scent and being near his presence. Steve shivers when Bucky’s thumb rubs over the head, the cool metal completely foreign against his skin, and Bucky says, “I liked it. Still like it. You fit so perfectly into my hand, Stevie.”

Steve groans, the familiarity in the name making his heart soar. He drops his head forward, resting his forehead against Bucky’s shoulder and rubbing his face into the mess of scars, enjoying the way the textured skin feels on his skin. He kisses what he can reach, dragging his lips over warm skin and cool metal when Bucky continue to work him with his fingers. 

They’re both shivering, shaking, and it’s all Steve can do to hold himself up. His knees are weak and Bucky keeps working him with his hand, slow strokes over his thumb over the head that make his body feel like it’s lighting up from the inside, like any minute he’s going to combust into flames from the heat that Bucky’s hand ignites under his skin. He has missed this, so much, and it feels so right when Bucky holds him.

Steve manages to get his arms around Bucky’s waist and he pulls them together into a hug. The water is raining down against Bucky’s back and Steve’s arm, and steam begins to raise around them from the water’s temperature.  Bucky is hard, too, his thick erection pressing into Steve’s hip and making his mouth water and his hands twitch. He wants so much, much more than he knows how to express. 

“Bucky,” Steve gasps, biting into the skin he can reach to keep from crying out. Bucky’s flesh hand is rolling his balls between his fingers and it feels  _ so _ good. “Buck, what do you want? Bucky, baby,  _ ngh _ .”

Steve comes before he has any idea that he’s even close. He whines when his orgasm punches out of him, overwhelmed and riding the high of euphoria. He shoots messily over Bucky’s bare stomach, and he has to breathe deeply for several long minutes before it feels like he can think again. 

By the time he comes back to himself the water is beginning to cool. Both of them have been rinsed off enough that Steve feels okay with shutting off the water. Bucky is still so, so hard, pressing against his hip warmly. Steve can feel the way he’s  _ throbbing _ , from how tightly they’re pressed together. 

“Want you, Stevie,” Bucky says, an answer to his earlier question, and Steve moans when Bucky’s hand grabs his ass and squeezes tightly. “I want you like this.” Bucky moves closer, and his nose brushes over Steve’s ear in a way that draws a shiver from him. “I ain’t ever taken like this, ain’t that right darlin’?”

“T-that’s right,” Steve tells him. His entire body is shaking, overwhelmed, and he feels like he can barely breathe. 

“You asked what I wanted,” Bucky says, and Steve nods. “I want to take you like that Stevie. Wanna know what it feels like to be inside you.” 

Steve groans, his body already reacting to Bucky’s words. He presses forward for a kiss that Bucky happily grants him, licking into his mouth. His flesh hand comes up to Steve’s cheek and tilts his head back, putting him where he wants him so he can lick into his mouth. Steve moans and lets him take control, sucking on Bucky’s tongue when he fucks it into his mouth and letting Bucky kiss him however he wants. 

When they finally step out of the shower, Steve is completely breathless. Bucky doesn’t appear to be doing much better, his eyes blown dark as his chest heaves for air. Steve steps out of the shower and Bucky is quick to follow, pressing their bodies together as if he can’t bear to be apart. Steve knows how it feels, and he reaches blindly for a towel that he uses to dry them both off with. 

They walk to the bedroom slowly, hands tangled as they kiss. Steve feels like he did when they first got together, so many years ago, caught up in all the things they had felt for so long but never let themselves express. It feels so good to be together again that Steve doesn’t know how he’s supposed to let Bucky go, and he doesn’t want to. Not when it feels so right to finally have him back in his space.

Steve lets out a peal of laughter when Bucky nips his bottom lip right before he ducks down and grabs Steve’s thighs, hauling him up. Steve wraps his legs around Bucky’s waist, and despite his bigger body, it feels so natural for Bucky to be holding him up. Wrapping his legs around Bucky’s waist feels foreign—his thighs so much wider than they had ever been before. 

“You got anything we could use as lube?” Bucky asks, dropping Steve onto the end of the bed before crowding closer. He’s hard, his cock bobbing, and Steve’s mouth waters remembering what it had been like to have it in his mouth.

“There’s oil in the kitchen,” he offers, cringing at the thought. Still, they have nothing better, and other than a stray finger, Steve ain’t ever had something up his ass before—they’re gonna need it. 

“Stay right here, doll,” Bucky tells him, and the endearment is said almost exactly as Steve remembers it sounding, just a tad deeper.

Steve nods, accepting the kiss Bucky presses against his lips, and he lies back on the bed as Bucky walks away. A smile pulls at his lips, as easy as breathing, and he feels settled in a way he hasn’t since he woke up. Knowing that Bucky is here, that he’s safe, feels like more than Steve could have ever hoped for. He was so close to giving up, giving in, to accepting that even if Bucky was alive, having him back in his life was a dream that would never come true.

But here he is. He stretches out on the mattress, raising his arms above his head and arching his back. He’s already hard again, his cock filled with blood and standing up stiffly. 

“Always loved you laid out on our bed.” Steve looks over to the doorway where Bucky is standing, leaning against the frame casually. He has his arms crossed over his chest, a playful smirk twisting his lips up, and his cock is standing hard and flush against his stomach. He looks so different—bigger and thicker, hair longer than he ever let it get before the war, a  _ metal arm _ —but he’s still  _ Bucky _ , still the man that Steve has loved since he was a child who didn’t know that it was wrong when he asked Bucky to kiss him.

Those days were so long ago,  _ lifetimes _ , but Steve will never complain that it's all led to this. 

“C’mere, Buck,” Steve calls, holding his hand out and folding his fingers around Bucky’s when he’s close enough. 

He leans forward to kiss Bucky’s stomach, mouthing at the fine trail of hair that leads to the bush around his cock. Following the path of hair, he moans at the taste of Bucky’s skin and his scent, going lower to get at where it’s strongest. He mouths over the base of Bucky’s cock, dragging his lips across the heated skin before he licks a long stripe up the length. 

Steve takes the head into his mouth and sucks, swirling his tongue around the smooth skin. He’s only done this a handful of times, but it’s been so long that it feels new. He sucks on the head and shoves his tongue into the slit, keeping his hands on Bucky’s thighs as he begins to move his head up and down, taking more of the length as he relaxes his throat.

“I ain’t gonna last if you do that.” Bucky’s voice is thick and breathless, a deep rumble that Steve feels in his chest. “It’s been decades and you look too pretty like that.”

Steve pulls off reluctantly, enjoying the audible pop the suction of his mouth makes. He grins up at Bucky, his smile softening when Bucky’s hand cups the side of his face and rubs over his cheekbone gently. Steve tilts his head back and purses his lips, and just like every single time before, Bucky leans down to kiss him.

“There’s one ‘nother thing I wanna try,” Bucky mumbles against his lips, and it’s the easiest thing to promise, “Anything, Buck.”

He turns when Bucky asks him, crawling up the bed. He grabs a pillow and tucks it under his head, making a pleased noise when Bucky’s hands run up his calves and over his thighs before squeezing his ass as he had in the shower. Bucky pulls his cheeks apart, and Steve makes a little noise in the back of his throat when Buck’s dry thumb brushes over his hole.

A moment later the bed shifts, and as Steve opens his mouth to question what Bucky’s doing before a moan pulls its way from his throat when Bucky licks a wet, warm swipe up his ass. Bucky tongues him, pressing against his rim in a way that makes Steve see  _ stars _ , and he shivers at the feeling. It’s like nothing he’s ever felt before, and it feels like he’s going to shake out of his skin.

Twisting his fingers into the sheets only helps so much. All he can feel is the way Bucky’s tongue is pushing against him and the way he’s opening up for it. It’s all warm, wet pressure. Bucky’s hands are still holding him open and even as he licks at Steve’s hole he kneads the fat beneath his fingers. 

He breathes in the musky scent clinging to the sheets as he writhes, unable to stop himself from grinding back against Bucky’s face. His stubble is catching against Steve’s rim and lighting him up, pulling savage noises from his throat until they’re hoarse, unable to do anything but whine when Bucky fits a finger in alongside his tongue. His ass is so wet that it slips in easily and Steve  _ mewls _ when Bucky sucks at his rim.

It’s everything. Steve’s entire body is aware and it’s  _ everything _ . He screws his eyes shut and breathes through an open mouth, but he’s still overwhelmed. Bucky keeps going, tongue straightening and then spearing him open, getting him wet and sloppy, wet enough that he can slide in a second finger, another thumb, and he uses them to pull him  _ open _ .

It’s so dirty. It’s as though all Steve can think about it how dirty it is, but it feels so good that he doesn’t care. Doesn’t think he could ever care. Bucky is making these hoarse little pants of air, groaning as he licks into Steve’s body and works this thumbs around, fucking Steve with his tongue and thumbs and making him light up with more pleasure than he’s ever felt. 

He has no idea how much time passes before Bucky pulls back. He feels boneless, and he knows if Bucky stops holding his ass, he’s going to collapse. Steve doesn’t worry about what Bucky does when he pulls away, lost in the haze of pleasure he’s fallen into. His left hand is still holding Steve’s ass, his thumb shoved up inside him and keeping him aware of just how his rim feels stretched around the digit.

When Bucky brings his hand back, Steve has no idea how he got into the oil and he doesn’t care. Bucky’s fingers are wet when the slide across his hole, pressing softly against the stretched skin but not yet pushing in. He keeps it up, passing over the furrowed skin with his fingers, getting him wetter and wetter and even slicker. The oil slides against his skin so easily, and when he finally  _ does _ press against his hole, his finger slips in as easy as breathing.

His finger gets much deeper than his thumb, and it’s like nothing Steve has ever felt. Bucky's finger is still holding his rim stretched out, and his so slick that his finger slides all the way in. It feels like Bucky is filling him up, taking up space inside of him that Steve didn't even know could be filled. When he pumps his finger back in, Steve’s breath is fucked right out of him. Even just his finger is too much, and Steve panics, knowing exactly how big Bucky’s cock is. It’s going to fill up him completely.

The second finger burns, just a bit, and worry begins to grow in Steve’s stomach. He does his best to forget it and focus on the feeling of Bucky’s fingers moving  _ inside _ him, scratching over his insides in a way that makes him whine. It gets better as he keeps moving, thrusting them in and out,  _ fucking him _ with them.

The third is easy to take, and Steve begins to rock back against Bucky’s hand. At some point he adds more oil, and it’s cool as it drips down over his balls. Bucky fucks him harshly, his hand slamming into his ass over and over, making him quiver. His thighs are shaking with the effort to hold himself up and Bucky’s fingers are pressing bruises into his skin to keep him from falling over. 

“Buck,” he manages to gasp, words clawing from his burning throat. “Buck, I wanna—”

Bucky pulls away as soon as Steve says that, and Steve whines at the emptiness. He doesn’t like how it feels, to be clutching around nothing, finally having gotten used to the feeling of being so full. 

He rolls over, which was all he wanted, and he manages to gather enough strength to throw his arms up and draw Bucky down into a kiss. It’s messy, too much teeth and tongue and not enough coordination, and Steve pulls his legs up and out so Bucky can settle neatly between his thighs. He claws at the other man’s back, digging his fingernails into his skin and  _ pulling _ .

The stretch is  _ a lot _ , and Steve’s mouth drops open as his body widens to accommodate Bucky’s girth. He thinks it’s going to be too much, that it doesn’t matter how many fingers Bucky shoved in him or how slick with oil he is, that it’s just  _ too big _ . But then the pressure releases and suddenly Bucky is sinking in, feeling better than anything has ever felt before, and Steve's entire body is shaking with the force of keeping himself held up when all he wants to do is sink into the mattress.

Bucky bites into his neck and Steve arches his head back so he can have more room. He used to love wearing Bucky’s marks under his clothes, and his eyes begin to water when he realizes he’ll never be able to do that again. Everything is so different, so wrong, but Bucky is the only thing that has ever made sense, anyway.

He holds onto him tighter, wrapping his arms and legs around Bucky’s body to keep him close. Bucky rolls his hips, his cock dragging inside of Steve’s body deliciously, his stomach rubbing against Steve’s cock. It’s perfect, a slow grind that causes his balls to draw up, causes the arousal that has been humming through his body since their first kiss to build and build until it’s almost too much.

Bucky is hitting something inside him that he didn’t even  _ know _ about it, and it feels like a little sack of electricity that is lighting up his entire body every time Bucky presses his dick into it. When he comes, he blindly searches for Bucky’s mouth and sucks at his tongue as he shakes through the strongest orgasm he’s ever had. 

It’s only a few more minutes of slow fucking before Bucky is coming. Steve can feel it as he floods his ass, his come so warm inside him, his cock thickening with each burst of seed. They both pant for breath, and Steve’s head falls back against the pillow as his limbs slowly fall away from where they're still keeping them both pressed together.

“Damn,” Steve mutters. His bones feel too big for his body, but not in the bad way he’s become accustomed to. While he feels like he’s stretched too thin, it’s  _ good _ , so good, as his body comes down from the high.

Steve laughs when Bucky lets out a long yawn. It feels so good, this little bit of familiarity, and his heart swells when Bucky flops down onto him. His cock is still in Steve’s ass, but he pays it no mind—finds that he rather likes the way it feels, to still be filled, and he wraps his arms around Bucky's waist, holding him tight. 

“I love you,” Steve tells him, because it’s too hard to say anything else.

“Oh sugar,” Bucky says, voice sounding  _ wrecked _ , and Bucky slips his arms under Steve’s back to hold him in a hug that borders painful, one that probably would have snapped him before the serum. Now, it’s perfect. “I love ya too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All done! Please let me know what you think <3

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are much appreciated!  
> come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://lavender-lotion.tumblr.com/)!


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